Monday, January 4, 2010

First Teaser of 2010

Ah, here we are again. I've been swatting dodgy dialogue tags and other nasties in 'Christopher's Medal'. Anything to avoid diving back into the WIP and putting my MCs through anguish and hell. So, I'm going back on my word and posting another snippet from the NaNo. That's another thing on the 'to do' list, find another 20k words for the bugger.

Duncan and Ellie's idyll is about to come to an end. That Enos chap is a nasty piece of work, oh yes he is.


Duncan held Ellie’s hand when they followed the strange little fair-haired girl along the shadowy hall. Ellie was pale and silent beside him, her eyes red-rimmed and huge. He felt her fear, it lurked, like darkness inside him. The man they were about to see was clearly insane and Duncan was fairly certain that this was not going to be a polite, post-nuptial social call. He knocked on the door and squeezed Ellie’s cold hand. Something inside him flipped slowly when she gave him an uncertain smile. He kissed her forehead, inhaling the scent of her hair.

“Come in.” The Prophet’s voice was muffled by the door.

Duncan opened the door and led Ellie behind him. She hovered at his side when their host rose from his usual chair. His eyes were pale and sharp in the brilliant morning light. There was no goodwill in his expression.

“I trust you both enjoyed your honeymoon?” His voice was even, toneless.

“Yes, sir.” Duncan slid his arm defiantly around Ellie’s waist. She trembled against him.

“Ah…good, glad to hear it.” He did not offer them a seat. “I hate to cut it short, but I have a little task for you, Mr. Harris.”


Enos pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “It’s a statement to the press. I want you to deliver it. I’m told that Show Low is crawling with press and that the FBI have moved in.”

As if to confirm that, the heavy silence was shattered by the whomp-whomp-whomp of a helicopter as it skimmed across the treetops. Ellie pressed against him.

“I want you to go back to the guest house, get your things, put them in your car and get out of here.”

“What about Ellie?”

“Ah, sadly, she’ll have to stay with us. I’m so sorry.” Enos didn’t sound the least bit apologetic. He looked past them and nodded. Two young men, with long beards, lunged at Ellie and wrenched her away from him.

“Let me go, for fucks sake.” Her voice shook and she tried to stamp on her captors’ feet.

Duncan, reeling from the suddenness of it all, struggled to get free when his arms were pinned behind his back. “Let her go.”

“No. The honeymoon is over. There will be no peace for anyone now, not until this is all over.” Enos’ voice wavered. “If you do your job properly, it will be, soon.”

Ellie’s eyes were wide. She squirmed and tried to pull herself free.

Duncan’s heart slammed against his ribs. “I want to stay here, with Ellie.”

“You can’t. That’s not how it goes, Mr. Harris.”

He wanted to hit him. Smash that smug, pale face to pulp. Instead he had to watch, helplessly while the two young goons dragged Ellie through the door. “I’ll get you out, Ellie. I promise.”

“Just go, Duncan. I’ll be all right. Get out of here while you can.”

The bleakness in her eyes broke his heart. He would’ve died for her at that moment, he would’ve killed for her. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m sorry I let you down.”

“Don’t be.” Her voice was sad but she smiled at him. “I don’t regret a minute. It was worth it.” Her eyes were bright with tears.

Duncan wanted to cry himself. He swallowed at the lump in his throat and struggled to speak. By the time he found the words, the door slammed shut and the room was, suddenly, a lot darker.


  1. wow, intense! I really feel for Duncan here. It was so sudden, even for me, caught me by surprise. Nice.

  2. Oh, I cannot WAIT for someone to kick this prophet's ass.

    This was such a lovely combination of angst and violence, Sue.

  3. Love how this novel seems so different from some of your other stuff I've read. I know you can do angst and love scenes, so it's great getting to read something more actiony from you. And you do a great job of interweaving emotion into the action. Great job!

  4. I'll second Sunna's thought: the prophet really needs to be knocked down... into a grave. A deep, deep grave. :D

    Love the tenseness and the feelings portrayed here. Can't wait to read more!!!

  5. Wow! I like this. Love the description here: the Prophet's eyes, in particular. (I have a teensy crush on him now. Go unscrupulous deranged characters!)

  6. thanks, peeps!
    I'm thinking that this is going to be the one that stops me from working on the WIP for a while. I've been sitting here thinking on how to beef it up and I've had an idea or two.
    I'm so glad you're all enjoying it.

  7. Oh, noes! Amy and Ink are right--Prophet needs an ass-kicking, stat!

    Great tension here, and I could really feel Duncan's emotions. More Fire awesomeness--woot!

  8. Wow, this is awesome! I've missed reading snippets of this story. First, I agree that Prophet needs an ass whooping. Second, the way you use words is just so beautiful like in: her fear lurking like darkness. Also, I love "for fuck's sake." One of my favorite expressions. Beautiful, as always.

  9. I felt his pain and hers in this. Good job. Makes me hate that 'Prophet' even more!